A lot has been said and written about stories, happenings, and all other things you can find only in this side of the planet called “Pilipinas”. And as a beloved citizen of this once glorious nation, of course I have my own share of experiences odd enough to be tagged as things you can find “Only in the Philippines”. I just made a minor change in the title that I find more fitting: “Only in my town (Marikina)”. The following are “mpeg” files of time, saved in the “my documents” of my mind, played back everytime childhood friends get together and all ran out of new stories to tell (and its time to laugh the night away because beer supply is about to end), uploaded via this blog for all of you to laugh at.
Only in my town…
…you can witness a BINGO game played WITHOUT HEARING ANY NUMBER from the game caller!
BINGO I think is the most popular pastime among our local folks and there’s this “sikat” BINGO aficionado in our neighborhood, Aling Tusya, who never fails to bring in the laughs to all of us everytime she handles the “tambiyolo” and make a call for the game. She never mention a number (and never will even if you ask what that means), only jargons that requires a little (or a lot of) thinking to know what number corresponds to it. If you give up guessing and ask her what that is, she will answer you with a snappy “He!!! ’Wag ka dito mag-BINGO kung magtatanong ka lang!” (Shut up! Play somewhere else if you’ll just ask questions).
As a regular tambay in that Binguhan, I somehow get familiar with the terms she often use. Here are Aling Tusya’s famous BINGO calls decoded:
B
1 uten (penis),
2 kerida (mistress), nakaluhod (kneeling), nangangalunya (cheating on his wife)
3 Bestre (man’s name)
4 kwarto (room), bapor (ship)
5 pambili ng puto (price of a famous Philippine rice cake)
6 seksi (sexy), size
7 Jawo (jersey number of Philippine basketball great, Robert Jaworski), kalawit ni kamatayan (Scythe of Death)
8 pilipit (twisted), sermon (being scolded)
9 babae (girl)
10 bayag mo! (your balls!), biten (left “hanging” for something)
11 uhog (mucus), nabaliw na ang bading!
12 tanghaling tapat (noontime), dozena (1 dozen)
13 Hudas (Judas)
14 kato (parasite)
15 kintsay (a kind of vegetable), suweldo (payday)
I
16 sweet (for “sweet sixteen”)
17 tuli (circumcision)
18 debut, 18 roses
19 mag-asawa (married couple), eba’t adan (adam and eve)
20 binti or hita (legs)
21 binata (young adult, male)
22 dalawang nakaluhod (2 persons kneeling), cute
23 manok or bantres (chicken)
24 monay, pokla (moniker for vagina)
25 pasko (Christmas time)
26 buntis (pregnant)
27 dobol blade (double-bladed ax)
28 baha (flood)
29 patay (dead)
30 tren (train)
N
31 mabait (good), santo (saint)
32 tarantado (bad)
33 tae (shit)
34 trak (truck)
35 mayaman (rich)
36 haplas (touch)
37 jueteng (a form of gambling)
38 tanga (fool)
39 babaeng gala (girl who loves to go out)
40 buwa ng niyog (coconut meat)
41 banderang kapos (jargon for leading a race but ends up finishing only second)
42 paa (feet)
43 kwaresma (lent)
44 gamot sa ubo (from the cough syrup “vicks formula 44”)
45 baril (gun), putok (gunshot)
G
46 mahinhin (bashful)
47 matandang bakla (old gay)
48 kulot (curly hair)
49 tomboy or tibo (lesbian)
50 tapwe (Pinoy slang for fifty)
51 tiyan (tummy)
52 Gudoy (man’s name)
53 lukaret (lunatic)
54 highway (from “highway 54” now EDSA)
55 sardinas (from the brand “555 sardines”)
56 bumbay (those people who lends money with big interest), utang ( which is synonymous to bumbay)
57 daldalera (gossip queen)
58 kaban (storage)
59 belyas (prostitute)
60 alembong (flirty)
O
61 seksing hita (sexy legs), usually, she whistles the way boys does to sexy chicks (wittt- wiiiiiiiw!)
62 Sixto (man’s name), tangkad (height)
63 sastre (tailor)
64 dambuhala (gigantic)
65 añejo rum (from famous brand añejo rum 65)
66 siksik (full)
67 pogi (handsome)
68 home appliances (from “680 home appliances” store)
69 balentong (tumbling down), sipsipan (a sexual position)
70 kalbo (bald)
71 isa ang buhok (single hair)
72 tsismis (gossip)
73 tentay patis (brand of seasoning)
74 plantsa (flat iron)
75 matanda (old man)
In actual game, Aling Tusya adds up more words to the terms listed above to make it funnier (and more confusing to us mirons (onlookers)) (like “Hudas! Barabas! Hestas!” for number 13 instead of just saying “Hudas”; “magpatuli ka na hoy!” (hey! get circumcised!) for number 17 instead of just saying “tuli”) and she actually has the story why a number is called as such. Some are local legends, some are private jokes, and some, I really don’t understand but as long as it amuses me, who gives a damn. :)
…you can yell “Putang ina ka…” (You, son of a bitch!) to someone without getting into trouble!
And it’s not because Marikeños are so nice and friendly but it’s their way of greeting someone in rock ‘n roll fashion! It’s just an expression. It’s just like saying “Shit!” when you’re alarmed, “Oh shit!” when surprised, “What a shit!” when amazed or “Bullshit!” when upset.
In Marikina, instead of saying “Kumusta? Ang tagal na nating ‘di nagkikita a!” (How are you? It’s been a while since we last met!), we say “Putang ina mo ka, ang tagal mong ‘di nagpakita a!” (It’s been a while since you’re here you son of a bitch!). It’s OK. It’s cool. It’s just synonymous to saying “I’m so glad we meet again”. It’s just greeting someone in style. :)
…you can locate a person without even mentioning his/her real name!
Just by mentioning the angkan (clan) where he/she belongs, you’ll get a good chance of finding someone in this town in no time.
Marikeños (locals of Marikina) during the days are fond of giving bansag (alias) to their neighbors that soon became their popular name. That bansag has stick to the person and became the mark of all of his generation.
The bansag usually is a trait, living or non-living thing that is common to or best describes the person (like kampana (church bell) because she is known for having such a loud mouth that she can be heard even at a distance! (it’s an exaggeration, of course) and butiki (house lizard) for a couple was once seen on top of their roof one stormy day, arms and legs spread like a house lizard so their roof won’t fly off)
So the next time you meet a Marikeño, take some time to ask “kaninong angkan ka?” (what clan do you belong?) and you won’t get much trouble finding him around town. :)
